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World War II Humor

From Class 44-F's graduation (Advanced Flying School) book Wings Aloft.

World War II witnessed Americans in uniform all over the world, and from their epic feats of arms, miseries, and countless minor adventures a rich lore arose - jokes, mostly sardonic cracks about life in the armed service ("If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it"), superstitions ("Never take a personal picture from a dead enemy”), and the most famous of all graffiti ("Kilroy Was Here"). The war was fought with more sophisticated weaponry than earlier wars had been but, for all the joking, no fewer horrors.

World War II was rich in religious anecdotes. For example, men of the Army Air Force told of a bombing raid over Germany on which one plane had an Army chaplain who had gone along "for the ride." Antiaircraft fire and enemy fighter planes were all around. Thinking to calm the men, the chaplain got on the intercom and said quietly: "It's all right, men. Have no fear. God is with you." Immediately the tail gunner shouted back, "He may be with you guys up front, but He's not back here!" Seconds later a shell tore through the bottom of the tail turret and passed out the top without exploding. There was a moment of stunned silence, and then the tail gunner hastily added: "Correction, please. God just walked in!"

Important! General's Order Number One...

Bill Sullivan, B-24 crewman on the 11th Bomb Group's famous Madame Pele, tells Steve Birdsall that "on Kwajalein, space being at a premium, only a limited number of outhouses were constructed, but along the roads, the flight line, and maintenance area were 2" diameter pipes driven into the ground with a funnel on top to provide relief. Shortly before the invasion of the Marianas we received word that a hospital detachment with seven honest-to-God women nurses was being assigned soon. General Waldron came out with what is considered a classic in the realm of general orders: "DUE TO THE IMMINENT ARRIVAL OF FEMALE PERSONNEL TO THIS COMMAND, PROMISCUOUS URINATION AND USE OF THE PIPE URINALS WILL CEASE IMMEDIATELY."

WWII Jokes

Shortly after the D-day landings in Normandy the following joke made the rounds: It was D-day. From LCI's our troops were swarming ashore. Enemy fire soon pinned down our men. A British observer noticed that through it all one American invasion barge remained offshore running in circles. His aide reported that this was the Americans' new secret weapon, only to be used if the situation became critical. A little later the mysterious LCI headed at full speed for the beach. To everyone's amazement, 2,000 tiny men about a foot high dashed ashore. Armed with guns, bayonets, and handgrenades, they tore headlong into the fray. In an incredibly short time the enemy was dispersed and the beachhead secured. The observer said with astonishment to an American colleague: "You Americans are certainly amazing. Where did this midget army come from?" "Oh," replied the American, "those are our dehydrated Marines."

Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.

Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands. 21 troops were killed in the firefight. It would have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island.

Why did the Germans beat the Poles? The Poles threw grenades, but the Germans picked them up, pulled the pin, and threw them back.

The war was fought in many climes. Some of them were quite unbelievable to GI's, as reflected in the following joke told in the Pacific theater:

A GI woke up and saw two mosquitoes sitting at the bottom of his bunk. The first one said, "Shall we eat him in here or drag him outside?" The second answered: "Eat him in here. If we take him out, the big ones will take him away from us."

Five cannibals were employed by Army as scouts and translators during on of the island campaigns. When the Commanding Officer of ground forces welcomed the cannibals he said, "You're all part of our team now. We will compensate you well for your services, and you can eat any of the rations that the Soldiers are eating. But please don't indulge yourselves by eating a Soldier." The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the CO returned and said, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our Master Sergeants has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the CO left, the leader of the cannibals turned to the others and said, "Which of you idiots ate the Master Sergeant?"

A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replied, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Lieutenants, Captains, and Majors and no one noticed anything, then YOU had to go and eat an NCO!"

MP’s Had Fun Too!

• January 23, 1944 – Pvt.. Lupo cleaned a few pistols because he fired his through the roof of his gate hut (he was hearing noises again).
• February 14, 1944 - Lt. Kelsay picked St. Valentine's Day to give a lecture on the M-1 rifle, as if anyone cared. Everybody was more interested in something else. Sorry to report no proposals received.
• March 8, 1944 - Sgt. Jo Collie borrowed Pvt. McCormick's bicycle, went to the pub and wrecked it coming back. "Mac" blew his stack.
• March 18, 1944 - Lt. Kelsay went to sick quarters for some cold medicine and they kept him there for three days.
• March 28, 1944 - T/Sgt. Hereth and Pfc Jones returned from furlough with pictures of themselves in kilts. Very attractive.
• April 1, 1944 - Pfc James Edwards on Post #7 "gave the alarm in case of fire," telling of his hut burning down, but to no avail. Being April Fool's Day, no one believed him. Hut burnt to a shell.
• April 14, 1944 - Maurice P. Monynahan to hospital. Poor Mony never got over that last Pub mission.
• May 4, 1944 -Those boys at the motor pool really do keep its hopping. They reported a Jeep missing from the motor pool, which we found at the motor pool.
• May 9, 1944 - Statistics on stolen bicycles show that most of them can be found outside Officers' Mess. No other comment.
• May 15, 1944 - Pfc Cox reported gas on his post. Just a poor GI sick on too much mild and bitters.
• July 1, 1944 - Two attached men came in late on pass and were in no condition to go on duty.
• July 3, 1944 - Cpl. George F. Hyde, while on patrol, picked up two officers who were having a helluva swell time firing their flare pistols.
• July 5, 1944 - Water shortage. No baths. Some men are pleased with the situation.
• September 1944 - Who says we're a bunch of lazy louts? Starting early in September we have calisthenics five days a week. Two 45-minute periods are conducted daily by Lt. Poorman, the detachment commander and Acting First Sergeant Holland. (Okay - so there was a little bitching about it at first. But that's all gone now. The few who still dislike it have a greater dislike for the full field pack hikes that follow as punishment for failing to appear.)
• October 18, 1944 - will be one year in the ETO for the whole company. The boys at Hethel have invited us to a company get-together and party on that date. The entire NCO Club on that station (AAF 114) will be ours for the evening. WAAFs, ATs, and civilians are invited. (Ah!)
  Sgt. Holland has devised a not-too-popular point system for the barracks inspection. Three points means no pass for the following week. (Oh my dusty shoes.)
• October 19, 1944 - One year in the ETO! Had a helluva party at Hethel on the night of the 18th. HQ 12OOth MP Co. showed us a bang-up affair in NCO club at that station. We had a picture taken at the beginning which turned out very well. There weren't as many women as promised, but what few were there kept our spirits high.
• December 16, 1944 - On the 16th, the 200 Mission Party was held. It was just another day of duty for us - in fact it was a day of extra duty. Just goes by that old saying that when others are having a good time, the MPs have to work. We had extra posts and patrols out in a rather futile attempt to keep things orderly. The only serious trouble we had was a missing Jeep. Someone ran off with Lt. Kelsay's Jeep and he jumped in the first one he saw to chase the culprit. Consequently, two Jeeps were reported stolen and were found simultaneously. By 2430 things were fairly quiet, and any noise the next morning was not too pleasing to all those who were wishing for ice packs and black coffee. We received compliments from the station's high ranking officers on the way we handled the situation.
• December 17, 1944 - On the 17th we had our "'200 Mission" celebration. Capt. Cassidy had saved enough beer for us to make an interesting afternoon and evening.

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