It does get cold in Wisconsin, and it snows. But it has been snowless in December, balmy in February and it rarely gets above 90 in the summer. People who think Wisconsin is merely freezing: Buy a shovel and a parka and learn to drive in slush and quit whining.
On to the cheese, then. Wisconsin's unofficial nickname (its other nickname, the Badger State, is unofficial as well) of "America's Dairyland" is by no means unearned. They do love our cheese. One curiosity - cheese curds. They're like cheese embryos - never mind forming them into grown-up cheese, just pack them and sell them as-is. They squeak when you bite them, you know.
Wisconsinites drive like crap. But Illinoisians drive worse. Whereas Wisconsinites take roughly twelve minutes to decide if, when and how we will combine two lanes into one in a construction zone, they just plow through the construction barrels and somehow make it into the far-left lane in the 17 feet of space between the last "merge now, dumbass" sign and when the lane ends. (Remember, kids - you get 12 points before you lose your license. You get six for reckless operation. Points are doubled in a construction zone.)
You Know You're From Wisconsin When...
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
"Vacation" means going 'up nort' to Crivitz for the weekend.
You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again!
You use a down comforter in the summer - and gloves.
You drive at 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You think of the major food groups as venison, beer, fish, and berries.
You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Fleet Farm at any given time.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
You buy your Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.
Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
Snow tires come standard on all your cars.
You refer to the Packers as "We".
You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
You can identify an Illinois accent.
You know what cow-tipping is.
You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.
"Down South" to you means Chicago.
A brat is something you eat.
You have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
You consider Madison exotic.
You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
You can actually pronounce Oconomowoc.
You know what a "bubbler" is.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
You go out for fish fry every Friday.
You can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.
You know how to polka.
Formal wear is blue jeans and a baseball cap.
You drink "pop".
You were unaware there is a legal drinking age.
Your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
Cheeseheads is not an inaccurate nickname, what with 2,000 varieties available at the local market (did I mention the quite-reasonable prices?), and foam hats that nobody from Wisconsin seems to ever buy, but everyone from Wisconsin seems to own somehow. But it's also kind of a non-sequitur - "learn to drive, cheesehead!" just doesn't have that ring.
We call them "FIBs." The right-wing talk radio guy says that stands for "fine Illinois bretheren," I suppose to avoid aggravating the censors. It doesn't. It stands for "fucking Illinois bastard," or, alternatively, "fucking Illinois bitch," depending upon the gender of the person in the car with the Illinois license plates who just cut you off.
Battered and fried Icelandic cod. Choice of French Fries or potato pancakes. Cole slaw. Buttered rye bread. Tartar sauce. It stems from Wisconsin's Catholic heritage. Sure, it used to be locally caught walleye or perch, served up at the neighborhood tavern with a healthy stein of Milwaukee's best. In recent decades, it has transcended religious, cultural and alcoholic barriers and moved from the pubs to, well, everywhere.
It doesn't matter if you're in a diner in Eagle River, a Chinese restaurant in Manitowoc or (shudder) Wendy's in Beloit. If you appear at any restaurant in the state on a Friday evening, you will see some form of that meal - usually that exact meal - on the menu.
Sure, you'll see the regular menu, too, but if you order from that, people will look at you funny. I was in a German restaurant in Waukesha one Friday. I ordered the sauerbraten. Other patrons looked at me pitifully, as though I had ordered deer brains (which, of course, I hadn't - it was too early for hunting season). One nice old lady helpfully whispered to me as she passed, "oh, dear, you should have ordered the fish fry; it's lovely here."
If there's one thing Wisconsin takes more seriously than its Friday Fish Fry, it's the Packers. Even though most of the state's residents live closer to Chicago and Minneapolis than Green Bay, Wisconsin is clearly painted green and gold. People mow the big "G" into their lawns, and name their firstborn Lombardi or Lambeau.
If you've lived in Wisconsin all of your life, you don't naturally perceive yourself as having an "accent". Think Midwestern twang, with a bit (or in some places, more than a bit) of German accent. It's not easy being from Wisconsin - in order to speak you simultaneously emit air through your nose (for the twang) and through the the back of your throat by way of your diaphragm (for the gutteral German thing).
Here's an example of what you might hear when you order a brat - "Onion und kraut wit dat eh?" (You would like to have onion and saurkraut on your bratwurst sandwich, isn't that correct?). The "eh" comes, I suppose, as a result of Wisconsin being relatively close to Canada. It seems that the farther north you go, the more often you hear "eh" to signify a period or question mark at the end of a sentence. Notice that in the preceding example, there's no comma, and therefore no pause, between "dat" and "eh". "Dat eh" is nearly run together in everyday speech.
People from Wisconsin drive people from Illinois nuts by saying "bubbler". People from Illinois (ignorant as they are), strongly believe that the proper term for "bubbler" is "drinking fountain". That's their problem, not Wisconsin's.
For those of you out there who don’t know much about cheesehead speak, the “Cheddarhead Dictionary” was created by the Central Florida Packer Backers club in 1995. Cheddarhead may be used either derisively (particularly by those from bordering states) or with pride by a Wisconsonian. It may therefore be considered derogatory when used by someone who is not a Wisconian.
Ain’a-hey: placed at the end of a profound statement; as in “isn’t it?” Ahch!: same as, “darn!”
Barley-pop: beer; a Leine, Point, P-B-R, Blatz, Miller, Andeker, Hamm’s, Garten Brau, Adler Brau, Lowenbrau, Chief Oshkosh, Dunkel Weizen, Hefe Weiss, are some tasty Wisconsin barley-pops, but if you’re looking for a few barley-pop’s that are cheaper than bottled water, try Buckhorn, Fox Head, Gettelman, Weber, Red-White & Blue or Rhinelander; Here’s mud in your eye! Bart: a Green Bay institution who doesn't need a last name; see "Vince." Believe-you-me: attached to the beginning or end of a statement to make it more credible; same as, “really!” Blaze orange: what deer hunters and cold-weather Packers fans wear at Lambeau. Blinker: your vehicle’s turn signal. Blue Bullet: a can of Point Special Beer. Booyah: a thick chicken and vegetable stew sometimes prepared in a large drum and stirred with a canoe paddle at parish picnics. Born in a barn?: a sarcastic question which usually means you left the door open. Borrow: used in place of “lend,” as in, “could youse borrow me a couple two-tree bucks?” Boat: same as “both;” as in, “I own boat a ski-boat and a fishing-boat”; also pronounced as “boad,” but Wisconsinites are usually heard using both. Brat: a sausage; a Wisconsin tailgate favorite; doesn’t have anything to do with a spoiled kid. Brett: a soon-to-be Green Bay institution who doesn’t need a last name; see “Bart.” Bring-’em-back: what the loser of the last round of bar dice has to do to start a new game; a term used when shaking dice for drinks down at the tavern.
Bubbler: to the rest of the world outside Wisconsin's borders, it is known as a drinking fountain. Budge: to merge without permission; cut in; as in "Don't you budge in line for a brat, I was here first!" By: to; near; as in "Let's go by One Eyed Jack’s," or “She’ll come by Froggers tonight.” It has nothing to do with a purchase.
Cheddarhead: someone from Wisconsin; see, “Cheesehead.” Cheesehead: someone from Wisconsin; see, “Cheddarhead.” Cheese curd: small pieces of fresh cheese that squeak when you bite into them; a parish picnic favorite when deep fried. Chook: a knit hat worn during winter; without your chook, you’d be shakin’. Com’ere-once: a beckoning call to another Cheddarhead. Couple-two-tree: more than one; as in "Delmer and I drank a couple-two-tree beers down at the tap." Cripes: a Wisconsin expletive. Cripes-sake: a mild Wisconsin expletive. Crymany-cripes-sake: a wild Wisconsin expletive. Crueller: pronounced, “CRAW-ler;” a log-shaped cake-donut found at every grocery store and gas station in the state.
D: a substitute for words beginning with "TH;" as in "Dat guy over dere in dah Bears shirt is a FIB.” Da-Fest: Summerfest in M’wakee. Dasn’t: shouldn’t; ought not to. Davenport: what your mom called the sofa; a couch. Doan-cha-know: usually attached to the end of a statement, don’t-cha-know. Down-below: south; as in, “Spread Eagle is just a bit down-below Florence, doan-cha-know.” Dupa: same as “hinder.”
Euchre: a popular card game; pronounced just like Bob “Mr. Baseball” Uecker’s last name.
Farm & Fleet: see “Fleet Farm.” FIB: an acronym; (all we can tell you is that the "I" stands for Illinois); similar to FISH. FIBTAB: someone from Illinois taking up boat lanes while towing a boat slowly along Highway 51; similar to FISHTAB. Fifth Quarter: the party, led by the University of Wisconsin marching band, which takes place following each Badgers football game at Camp Randall Stadium; “When you say ‘WI-SCONSIN,’ you’ve said it all!” Fish fry: a Friday night dining ritual in Wisconsin. Flatlander: Someone from Illinois. Fleet Farm: a Cheddarhead’s answer to Bloomingdales; sometimes referred to as “Farm & Fleet.” Frozen tundra: Lambeau Field.
Garsh: same as, “gosh.” Geeez! a Wisconsin expletive a bit more harsh that “garsh.” Go-ahead: proceed; as in, “go-ahead and back up your car.” Gots: used in place of “have;” as in, “I gots my tickets to watch da Packers play on da Frozen Tundra.” Grilling-out: what you do at tailgates. Grundie: when your Froot-of-the-Loom briefs become thong underwear; same as a wedgie. Guldarn: another Wisconsin expletive.
Hassock: what you put your feet on while sitting on the Davenport. Hey: placed at the beginning or end of phrases for emphasis; as in, "Hey, how 'bout dem Packers?" or "How 'bout dem Packers, hey?” Hey-dere: a Cheddarhead greeting. Hinder: same as “dupa.” Hoistin’: drinking; as in, “Arnie’s down at Paul & Plautz hoistin’ a few tasty Leine’s.” Holy-cry-yiy!: as in, “wow!” Horse-a-piece: a phrase used when it doesn’t matter either way; comes from a term used when shaking dice for drinks down at the tavern. How’s-by-you?: a greeting; the same as, “How is everything?” Humdinger: a beauty; as in, “dat crappy youse caught up-nort is a real humdinger.”
Ida: short for, “I would have;” as in, “Ida brought some beer, but they were outta Buckhorn at the Citgo.”
Jeet: short for, “Did you eat?” John Deere: a Cheesehead's other vehicle.
Kitty-corner: not just across the street, but diagonally on the other side of the intersection; as in, “Me and Scottie tipped a few at the Square in Point before we staggered to the Top Hat, which is located kitty-corner from the American Legion.” Kringle: it’s a tasty pastry, not Santa Claus, although they are a tasty treat on Christmas morning.
Leine: short for Leinenkugel Beer from Chippewa Falls; cheaper than a Heinie. Lookin’-to-find: just a strange way of saying you’re searching for something. Ludefisk: whitefish soaked in brine and drained out; an upper midwest yummy.
M’wakee: Wisconsin's largest city; located just down the lake from Trivers and Mantwoc.
Name-from-home: woman’s maiden name; as in, “Margie Buchburger’s name-from-home is Margie Schedlo.” N-so?: a word inserted at the end of a statement; used as a substitute for "right?" or "correct?"
Oh-for-cry: short for “cryin’-out-loud!” Oh, yah: depending on emphasis, it’s either used as acknowledgment (as in, “that’s correct”) or skepticism (“that’s bull”). Ona-cana: because, "Can't go to the game today ona-cana I'm goin' deer huntin" Opening Day: no, not the Brewers’ first home game, instead it’s the first day of hunting season. Ort: sometimes heard used instead of “at.”
Parish picnics: social events of the summer up-nort. Pert-neer: near; in close proximity; just about. Pig, the: nickname for those Piggly Wiggly grocery stores. Polka: what you do at parish picnics. Pop: a non-alcoholic drink; if not “pop,” it’s a “soooo-da.”
Rubbers: prophylactics for your shoes; also known as “galoshes.”
Scansin: the state where Cheeseheads are from. Schmeltin’: the act of fishing for schmelt (smelt). Schmelt: the common name for any of several species of slender, small marine and freshwater trout-like fish of the family Osmeridae of the northern hemisphere characterized by the presence of a small adipose fin on the dorsal surface of the body, and by rather large scales which readily fall off; tasty little buggers too when degutted, deep fried and then eaten whole, bones and all. Seen: see “saw.” Sheepshead: a popular Wisconsin card game which features it’s own lingo (“trick,” “schmear,” “schneider,” “schnitz...”) Shunta: same as, “shouldn’t have;” Side-by-each: used instead of, “next to each other.” Skeeter: Wisconsin state bird. Skip-in-line: see “budge.” Skootch: to slide your butt over just a little bit. Spider: usually a round frying pan made of cast iron. Start wit me last: to forfeit your turn. Stop-and-go lights: what everyone else refers to as traffic signals. Supper club: a restaurant up-nort, no membership required. Swampers: hip waders worn while fishing.
Tailgate: a pre-game food fest invented outside of Lambeau Field. Tap: another name for a tavern. Tipping: what Cheeseheads do more to cows than bartenders. Tombstone: a Medford-made pizza; not just something in a graveyard. Tripp: a sausage made with cabbage and pork that when cooked has the same odor as something you might scrape off of your shoe. Turn-the-corner-round: to turn around the corner. Turned-round: what happens when you get lost. TYME machine: a Wisconsin ATM; not what Michael J. Fox used in “Back To The Future.”
Uff-dah: an expression of weariness or exertion. Un-thaw: to defrost. Up-above: opposite of “down-below.” Up-nort: where most Wisconsinites go on vacation after the lakes un-thaw. Up-side right: right side up.
Waffle Stompers: heavy duty boots that leave a tire-like imprint when you walk through snow or mud. Warsh: what one does to dirty dishes or laundry. Where-bouts: locality; proximity; as in, “where-bouts are youse guys from?” White sooo-da: a non-alcoholic fizzy lemon-lime drink. With: a word many Cheeseheads end sentences with; as in, “I’m gonna watch the Packers play, wanna come with?”
Vince: another Green Bay icon who doesn't need a last name for recognition; see "Bart.”
Yah-hey-dere: standard Cheddarhead greeting; “yah-dere-hey” also acceptable. You-betcha: affirmative. Youse: pronounced "YOOS;" it means "you," as in "youse guys goin' up nort?" Yooper: someone from even further up-nort than you; the U.P.
