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Vegas

How To Speak Vegas Action the amount of money being wagered on a given bet or during a gambling session Let it ride letting the winnings on a bet roll over to the next bet Token Vegas word for tip or gratuity Marker an IOU owed the casino by the gambler allowed by the hotel to play on credit Stickman the dealer who moves the dice around on the craps table with a hook-shaped stick Shooter a gambler who is rolling the dice at a craps table Arm a shooter skillful enough to influence the outcome of rolls Limit the minimum or maximum bet accepted at a gambling table Whale an extremely high roller Pigeon a novice gambler, also "Fish" Punter any player On tilt when a player, usually in cards, overreacts to a bad hand by betting erratically on hands that follow Paint a face card Railbirds in poker, those who are spectators Tapioca out of money, also "tapping out" and "down to the felt" Color up exchanging lower denomination chips for higher value chips Pair names Ace-Ace=Bullets Ace-King=Big Slick King-King=Cowboys King-Jack=Kojack King-Nine=Old Yeller Queen-Queen=Ladies Jack-Ace=Jack Ass Jack-Queen=Oedipus Jach-Jack=Fishhooks Jack-Five=Motown Eight-Eight=Snowmen Seven-Seven=Walking Sticks Six-Six=Route 66 Five-Five=Speed limit Four-Four=Sailboats Three-Three=Crabs Two-Two=Ducks

You won't survive in Vegas on luck alone. You also need smarts. Let's go, braniac, let's see what you've got. Take this simple quiz to see if you have what it takes to roll.

1. Frank the blackjack dealer is showing a 5. You're showing a 6. The best decision you can make is to:
   1. Hit
   2. Stick
   3. Hit Frank
   4. Stick Frank
   5. Pinch the person to your right
2. Betty's been a cocktail waitress for 12 years, Annie's only been one for 3 ˝. If Annie can carry twice as many cocktails as the number of years she's been working, and no more than 4 cocktails less than the number of years Betty's been working, how fast will Annie bring you a cocktail traveling 3 steps per second wearing 5 inch heels?
   1. Huh?
   2. Wait, what was the question?
   3. 6 years
   4. Who cares, where's my drink?
   5. A, B, and D only
   6. None of the above
3. In roulette, what is an odd bet?
   1. Betting that the ball will land on Black 24
   2. Betting that Linda the dealer was once a man
   3. Betting that the ball will land on an odd number
   4. Betting that you can get 4 phone numbers in the next hour
4. Which does not belong in a casino?
   1. Croupier
   2. Whale
   3. Shark
   4. Baboon
   5. Pit Boss
5. The "shooter" at the head of the craps table asks if you'd be so kind as to blow on their dice. You take this opportunity to:
   1. Stare at them blankly
   2. Blow in their ear and bite their nose
   3. Blow on their dice and wish them good luck
   4. Run away crying
6. Coin is to Slot Machine:
   1. What Stud is to Pai Gow
   2. What Dice is to Craps
   3. What Dice is to Onion
   4. What Stud is to Cologne
7. You're up $15K. The pit boss comps you the infamous "Playpen" suite. You enthusiastically scream:
   1. Wait! Let me call my mother to see if it's okay!
   2. Hell yeah!
   3. Wow! Is that your breath? Or are you smuggling rotting meat in your shirt!
   4. I'm very itchy!
8. You and your "new friend" have been comped VIP passes for Rain Night Club. However, there are 75 people in line ahead of you Your best option is to:
   1. Yawn and say, "Boy, am I beat, I'd better turn in early. Nice meeting you, though Goodnight"
   2. Close your eyes and run full-speed into the nearest wall
   3. Ask the first person in line if you can have "back-sies"
   4. Walk right in. You've been comped VIP passes, remember?
9. Your date whispers in your ear that they want to remember you and this night forever. Naturally you:
   1. Poke them in the eye with a cocktail straw
   2. Suggest getting tattoos at Hart & Huntington Tattoo Co.
   3. Poke yourself in the eye with a cocktail straw
   4. A and C only
   5. All of the above
   6. None of the above
10. The Palms is the only casino in Vegas where you can do all these things in one night:
    1. Surf, bet with an IOU, dance on the baccarat table
    2. Get a tattoo, kick the pit boss, take a needlepoint class
    3. Play Texas Hold 'em, lounge by the pool, get a tattoo, see live bands
    4. Shoot craps, hunt poodles, build a fire

Gluttony

Forget roulette. Slot machines are for suckers. Blackjack? Borrrring. If you really want to beat the odds in Vegas, do yourself a favor - put your money where your mouth is. The All-You-Can-Eat buffets are by far the best bets in town. All ... You ... Can ... Eat. Four simple words Alone, they're nothing. String them together in neon - and whoa, boy! You're takin' the next train to Drool City! So get a fork, loosen the belt, and step up to the sneezeguard, it's feedin' time!

But wait, before you start piling mayo-enriched macaroni salad on your plate, take a stroll. Have a look-see. Every buffet is designed differently so get to know yours before you dive in. You could be cozying up to a bountiful bonepile of peel-n-eat shrimp instead of chomping away at another dry chicken thigh, if you just take the time to scope it out. Eat smart. Method is everything. Align yourself with one of these world-class, buffet-beating styles, and you'll be lickin' your lips, your plate, and everything in between like a true pro.

The Ocean Liner: Man overboard? No, Captain, that's just a scallop drowning in its own tartar sauce. But it's OK. Fried, baked, stuffed or steamed, if it once had gills or an exoskeleton, squeeze a little lemon and you're good to go. Lobster tails? Double fist those beauties until your ship comes in.

Meat-eatimus-maximus: Otherwise known as "The Missing Link', this animal-lover never forgets the gravy. If it goes "oink" or "moo”, it's good enough for you. Prime rib? Yes, please. Tenderloin? Keep it coming. Vegetables? Not on this plate, you don't. The only thing this meal is missing is a toothpick. You know, for the cocktail weenies.

The Kitchen Sinker: It's a food orgy and everything's invited. Rhyme or reason? You must be joking. A buttery lemon tart with your chicken fried steak - there's no law against that. Creme brulee with a slab of Italian sausage - pure genius. When cultural cuisine can share a plate like this, you know the world's on its way to becoming a much better place.

Pawn-Ography

It's 4:30 AM. You're down $3K. What do you do? You should do what everyone else does. You ask yourself that one, simple question: "Do I feel lucky?" After all, this is Vegas: The World's Largest Roller Coaster. You just need a ticket to get back on the ride.

Which leads us to the second question: "What should I pawn?" It's no secret, people will pawn just about anything in Vegas. From salad shooters to six-shooters - jeweled crowns to wedding gowns, Sin City's pawn industry knows no boundaries. It all depends on what you're willing to part with.

Family heirlooms? Hell, if you got em, you can certainly pawn'em. But be careful, just 'cause you think something's priceless, doesn't mean it's worth anything at all. Good ol' Grandpappy's stuffed spaniel may have some sentimental value, but what's it really worth? You'll never know unless you pawn that pooch and find out!

But pawning doesn't have to be practical? Got a fake leg? Glass eye? Gold tooth? You'd be surprised what glass eyes go for these days ... see for yourself and pawn it! But what if you don't have any pawn-worthy items of your own? Well, improvise. Your neighbor's garden gnomes? Pawn-tastic!

Remember, pawning isn't permanent - items go on layaway for months before they're fair game for the public. And once you're on a winning streak, you can buy it all back again. Haggle, and you may even get your precious stuff back cheaper! So before you go refinance your home, or bet your firstborn to cover that dubious double-down, think about the oh-so-convenient pawn shops. They'll have you back to the tables faster than you can say, "Mama needs a new pair of shoes ... 'cause I just pawned her old ones!"

What Are The Odds?

Tired of the whole casino thing? Looking for a little action out of the ordinary? No problem. There are plenty of bookies out there who'd love to give you the odds on even the oddest things. Like goldfish racing. Put your money on some of the fastest fishies this side of the Pacific. But maybe you're looking for something on a larger scale? Well, it's 66-1 good ol' Nessie is alive and well in the waters of Loch Ness. 33-1 you'll be abducted by little green men (two words - probing gel). Or, how about this one? 1,000,000-1 the world will end at precisely 12:50 PM on August 11, 1999. Oh wait, never mind.

Answers: B; E; C; D; C; B; B; D; B; C

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