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Cult TV Shows

Sharpen your kitchen knives, pre-heat your oven, and get toasted while playing our super genius Iron Chef drinking game.

Cooking shows hardly ever kick ass - but the Food Network’s cult TV show Iron Chef is a gourmet Thunderdome of glimmering Ginsu action. It’s a heavy weight competition between the world’s leading chefs to see who’s is the savviest skillet jockey.

The Rules:

Print out this page and chill a generous reserve of your favorite vintage of beer. Keep a bottle of vodka, tequila, or gin nearby (this is just a good idea anytime). Check your local listings and flip on Iron Chef on the Food Network. Kick back, crack a brew, and dig that edge-of-your-seat spatula- on-spatula action.

Take One Drink When:

1. The challenger is announced. (At this point, pick your favorite. At the end of the game, take a shot if you’re wrong.)
2. Kaga, the host, cracks his goofy smile during the introduction.
3. Kaga takes a bite of the yellow pepper.
4. Kaga summons the Iron Chefs (“I summon the Iron Chefs!”)
5. Kaga says, “If memory serves me correct….”
6. The token pretty female judge covers her mouth while laughing or eating food.
7. One of the judges is a member of Lower Parliament.
8. When one of the challengers is interviewed and says: “I just want to do well,” when you know he secretly wants to kick the Iron Chefs ass.
9. The camera pans to reveal Kitchen Stadium in all its glory.

Take Two Drinks When:

1. There’s more than 10 people on the stage at any given time.
2. One of the Chefs barrels over one of his assistants.
3. Commentator Ota interrupts Fukui by saying, “Fukui-san!”
4. Either chef uses his pasta machine.
5. Iron Chef “Italian” Morimoto looks pissed.
6. Iron Chef “Chinese” Chin makes a fried rice dish.
7. Iron Chef “French” Sakai puts on his granny glasses.

Do a Shot When:

1. The secret ingredient is still alive when it’s revealed.
2. Either chef uses the ice cream maker, salt oven, or wood chips to cook.
3. Shark’s fin, foie gras, or caviar is used.
4. Whenever a non-traditional dessert ingredient is used to make dessert. (Examples: squid ink, pork skin, etc…)
5. Someone_sq_s wearing a costume for no readily explicable reason.
6. The winner looks like he_sq_s going to cry and/or explode.

Put on your drinkin’ diapers and chug with our Who Wants to be a Millionaire? drinking game. Regis has never been this useful.

The best way to escape the sweaty grip of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? is to oil yourself with gallons of sweet, intoxicating beer and liquor. After the first few rounds, you’ll be so loaded that Regis might start looking kinda cute.
This is our final answer, bee-yotch!

The Rules:

Print out this page and chill a generous reserve of your favorite vintage of beer. Also, keep a bottle of vodka, tequila, or gin nearby (this is just a good idea anytime). Flip on the set, and welcome Regis into your living room. Every time any of the events listed below occur, take a drink. Keep drinking until the show ends or your exhausted liver begs for a smoke.

Drink once when:

1. All contestants are white men.
2. Someone refers to the chair opposite Regis as “The Hot Seat.”
3. A contestant in “the hot seat” has either a poorly grown moustache or a mullet. (If a female has a moustache, drink twice!)
4. A contestant takes a sip of water to stall for more time.
5. Every time Regis stares at a contestant and with a look that says, “How retarded is this asshole?”
6. Every time Regis says the words: “Confident?”
7. A contestant thanks the audience after they’re polled.
8. The 50/50 option is used, but it’s absolutely no help.
9. A contestant phones a lifeline. Drink twice if it’s a friend or co-worker who thinks he’s funny. Drink three times if it’s a family member who sounds slightly weak-minded.

Drink twice when:

1. When Regis mispronounces anything in the questions or answers.
2. Every time they cut to the contestant’s hideously ugly wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/life partner. Drink again if he or she is also really, really obese.
3. Someone uses a lifeline on one of the first three questions.
4. A contestant misses one of the first three questions.
5. A contestant tries to be funny and fails miserably, to the point where even Regis starts ragging on him.
6. Some brave soul decides to take the money and run (drink an additional two times if they stop before $32,000; drink an additional four times if they stop before $500).

Do a shot when:

1. A dork brings his parents, presumably because no woman would be seen in public with him.
2. Some genius uses more than one lifeline on one question.
3. The phone-a-friend makes the contestant repeat the entire question and all the answers.
4. A losing contestant makes excuses; Example: “Oh, I was an English major, I should have know that!” (Drink the entire case of beer if the loser actually starts to physically beat himself up, like Ed Norton in Fight Club.)
5. A contestant cries.

’Cause you can always say it’s the lame pop music that drove you to drink.

The MTV VMAs are on their way ASAP, but keep it on the DL ’less the PTA RSVP and make all the PYTs SOL. Got it? Well, it’s no more nonsense then you’ll likely to find once this years gala event kicks off. A veritable “Who’s That?” of the music industry, this MTV awards ceremony honors talented musicians who make a real contribution to music. Sorry, that should read: “Honors musicians created, packaged, and sold to a gullible audience of pree-teens.” So crack open a cold one, and pray that Li’l Kim appears topless. Again.

The Rules

Tune in a bit earlier to catch some of the pre-show action—and grab all the liquor you can. Let the games begin.

Pre-Show

Take One Drink When…

1. Someone is the first to mention Aaliyah. (Take an extra drink in proportion to how much they admired/respected/miss her.)
2. Kurt Loder sighs heavily.

Take Two Drinks When…

1. You see a Wayans.
2. Any of the celebrity host/celebrity guest interviews devolve into a squealing “you’re fabulous!” “No, you’re fabulous” exchange.

Do A Shot When…

1. You see a member (current or former) of the Wu-Tang Clan.
2. Someone points out someone else’s breasts.
3. Someone says “off the hook.”

Main Show

Take One Drink When…

1. The inevitable Aaliyah tribute plays.
2. Someone thanks God.
3. Jaime Foxx drops a bomb (as in “bad joke.” Not as in “da bomb.”)
4. A rap act performs with a “surprise guest” rock band. Or vice versa.
5. Every time they show a Britney Spears Pepsi commercial.
6. Eve, Pink and Mya share the stage—finally proving they are actually three different people.
7. The lip-synching couldn’t be more obvious if the “singer” gargled water during the high notes.
8. The show producers get cute in their presenter pairings (think: The Rock and Kid Rock, or the original Van Halen line-up).
9. MTV plugs one of their own original shows.
10. Someone takes their acceptance speech time to plug their next album.

Take Two Drinks When…

1. Jaime Foxx makes fun of *NSYNC (or any of the other interchangeable boy bands), then the camera cuts to their “self-deprecating, appreciative laugh” reaction shot.
2. The presenters horribly botch their pre-scripted banter.
3. A member of Destiny’s Child makes a lame joke incorporating one of their song titles. (“Which nominee will be the ‘Survivor’ and take home the award?”)
4. Anyone thanks “my amazing production team.”
5. There’s a J-Lo ass joke.
6. A female presenter gets unwittingly molested on stage by her male counterpart.

Do A Shot When…

1. There’s any fistfighting.
2. Someone mistakenly refers to the show as the MTV Movie Awards (there’s a difference?)
3. Anyone uses the phrase “shout out.”
4. You’ve actually seen a nominated video straight through.
5. They have to bleep a curse.
6. They have to make an excuse as to why Mariah Carey isn’t there.
7. A member of PETA rushes the stage to free Britney Spear’s performance cheetahs.

Give Your Own Props to God When…

1. Carson Daly is finally sucked into the bowels of Hell.

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