Knowing single malt scotches is a great way to impress the ladies and sound smart in front of your friends. Those of you who don't know any ladies or have any friends, keep reading. You need a drink more than anyone. We sat down with whisky expert and Whisky Bible author Jim Murray to see which single malts were worth sipping and which were worth chugging. The next thing we remember is waking up in a plaid skirt. (And kinda liking it.)
Jim Murray is a world-renowned whisky expert and author of the encyclopedic Jim Murray's Whisky Bible. He is also our new best friend.
Cragganmore 12-Year-Old
Price: $43.00 We say: Aromas of honey, grass and herbs wrap around your schnoz like an Uncle's "I've got your nose!" gag. If Uncle Jokester didn't get your tongue, you'd be able to taste the spicy yet smooth finish. According to Jim: Just one of those wonderful whiskies you need time and silence to get to know. A true Speyside great. Say this to sound smart: There's a myth that founder John Smith was ploughing his farm when he came upon a rock hiding a treasure, which he used to start the distillery. That rock still stands at the Cragganmore to this day.
Talisker 10-Year-Old
Price: $50.00 We say: Oozing with sweet, peaty overtones, the Talisker will linger on your tastebuds like an unemployed friend on your couch. Yes, we're talking about you, Ron! According to Jim: My journey around the world's whisky distilleries started here exactly 30 years ago this summer. In its raw state, you are dealing with a world-class whisky. Recent bottlings of the 10-year-old appear to have an over-generous dose of caramel that put out the trademark peppery fire. Good. But no longer truly great. Say this to sound smart: Talisker is the only single malt that's produced on Scotland's Isle of Skye.
Caol Ila 12-Year-Old
Price: $60.00 We say: If you like smoke, then down a few fingers of this oily and very smoky Islay single malt. If that's not enough, pick up a carton of Camel unfiltered wides, a lighter and an iron lung. According to Jim: This is an oily dram for those who prefer a pungent, pugilistic peat-packer. Not as peaty as the West coast Islays, though. Say this to sound smart: Caol Ila is pronounced "cull-eela" and means "sound of Islay." (Islay is pronounced "eye-lah.")
Highland Park 18-Year-Old
Price: $70.00 We say: The complexity and maturity of this Orkney Island product makes it the elder statesman of scotches. We suggest wearing an ascot and a monocle while you sip this in your double-wide. According to Jim: This is the dram you have been looking for all your life. You bring the babe of your dreams home, but she doesn't like whisky and isn't sure she wants to stay. Drink this together…and then smell each other's empty glasses first thing in the morning. Say this to sound smart: Highland Park is the most northerly Scotch whisky distillery in the world.
Laphroaig 10-Year-Old
Price: $44.00 We say: The aroma, balance and finish of this West Coast Islay has more seaweed and brine than the Titanic with none of the sugary sweetness of Leonardo Di Caprio. According to Jim: This is a peaty smokefest that always thrills with its earthiness. Taste this and you taste the Inner Hebridean isle of Islay. And probably the closest I'll ever come to smoking. Say this to sound smart: Laphroaig was named 2005's best single malt in the world by Whisky Magazine.
Glenmorangie Port Wood 12-Year-Old
Price: $59.00 We say: Made in Tain (no, not Taint) this whisky is aged in white oak casks and finished in a port pipe. Its drawn-out aftertaste makes for a great after-dinner dessert. It's like liquid cheesecake that requires no mixing. Or cheese. According to Jim: A decade ago, I was the first outside the company to taste the Port Wood Finish. It was a stunner, pink in color and full of unbelievable ripe fruit flavors. When on song, it melts the heart. But when the port pipe casks have been around the blocks a few times, it can be a little on the dull side. Say this to sound smart: Glenmorangie is made by only 16 men who are referred to as the "16 Men of Tain."
Glenlivet 15-Year-Old French Oak
Price: $50.00 We say: Aged in French Limousin oak casks in the latter part of its life, this is a spicier version of the distinguished Glenlivet dram. Think Pierce Brosnan in a sombrero. According to Jim: So often Scotch malt and French oak just don't go together. This is one of the few that does, but don't expect too much. Say this to sound smart: In the 1800s England tried to rid Scotland of tax-owing distillers, yet England's King George IV insisted on drinking The Glenlivet, the illicit scotch of Highland stills.
Ardbeg Rum Cask Finish
Price: $125.00 We say: This is one of the few heavily-peated and briny scotches that counters with a sweet, rum-soaked finish. It has a lasting power that puts Viagra and Cialis to shame. According to Jim: This is my favorite distillery in the world and here the mercurial Islay is at its most enormous and complex. If the rum has made any difference then it may have propelled it back in time before they stopped peating at the distillery in 1978 because this has all the depth of the old early-'80s bottlings. Brilliant, spellbinding stuff. An absolute must-have for the massive army of Ardbeg devotees. But not rum drinkers.
Say this to sound smart: Arbeg is Gaelic for 'Small Headland.'
Macallan Fine Oak 10-Year-Old
Price: $47.00 We say: The Macallan balances delicate banana and powerful malt on your palate. But at 80-proof you won't be able to balance your legs on your body if you drink enough of our patented Macallan Banana Malt sundaes. According to Jim: Delicate and charming in part, a sulfur blemish makes it slightly weaker than the other ages. Invest in the awesome 15-year-old if you can find it. Say this to sound smart: Macallan is always aged in dry Oloroso casks from Spain and is often referred to as "the Rolls Royce of single malts."
Highland Park Park Avenue Liquor Single Cask
Price: $185.00 We say: The lads at Park Avenue Liquor spent a lot of time going through the Highland Park collection to find this perfect cask. Which means it was their job to drink a lot of whisky to make sure they got the right one. Which means our resumé will be on their desk by the end of the day. According to Jim: So much sharp blood orange, you can almost spit the seeds out. Just a hint of sulfur on this guy, but not enough for sherry-influenced whisky lovers to get all hot and sweaty over. Flawed genius.
Say this to sound smart: Christopher Lambert has starred in five Highlander movies.
Who's the Macallan?
We tasted the world's finest scotch and then a bunch of stuff happened that we can't remember. When people think of single-malt scotch, they think of The Macallan. And we did a lot of thinking as we gathered four drinking laymen and got their take on five different versions of The Macallan. Then, we added the tasting notes from The Macallan's expert to get both sides of the drinking equation. We're no good at math, but this equation made us feel like Stephen Hawking (i.e., we needed a wheelchair).
The Macallan Fine Oak 10 $44
Expert says: The nose is complex, with hints of fruit and heather honey. Its soft maltiness is balanced with oak and fruit, while the finish lingers with hints of oak and fruit. Joe (Web designer): This smells strong, but is actually pretty smooth. It doesn't burn, and I can taste a lot of oak. Which is odd, because I've never tasted an oak before. Andrew (Web director): This definitely does not taste like burning. It's mild, but still manages a lot of flavor. Jeff (video producer): This smell reminds me of the time I swiped a bottle from my father's liquor cabinet. But this is a lot smoother than Dad's apricot brandy. Mike (editor, drinker): This is really nice, but knowing what's next, it's just a tease. I felt like I got up her shirt, but she suddenly had to get up for work.
The Macallan 12 $42
Expert says: The slightly sweet aroma of toffee, ginger and dried fruits meld with sherry, clove and spicy wood on the balanced finish. Joe: This smells like cinnamon candy, but it's a bit strong for me. That's because I'm a pussy. Andrew: Wow. This is my new gold standard. This is what my dad used to drink when he was ignoring me. Now I understand. Jeff: This smells much sweeter than the last one. It stings my tongue a bit, but that's because I burned my tongue on pizza yesterday. I feel a little stupid. Mike: This is mother's milk. I have a few of these bottles lying around my studio. They're empty. It's sad.
The Macallan Fine Oak 15 $65
Expert says: The full aroma has hints of rose and cinnamon. The flavors of intense chocolate combine with hints of orange and raisins. It finishes off with hints of orange and dried fruit. Joe: This smells like a cake that my aunt used to make at Christmas. It has an appley taste that seems like it would be perfect for winter. I could see drinking this naked on a bearskin rug. Andrew: Everyone at the table is saying, "This is good shit." I would tend to agree. It's stronger than the others, but it's not overpowering. Jeff: I can feel hair starting to grow on my chest. This is nice, but it's a combination of enjoyable hurting. I'm humming Judas Priest's "Pain and Pleasure." Mike: Wow. My manhood has been summoned. It's between classes and I feel like I've just been pushed into the lockers. Recess is going to be trouble.
The Macallan Fine Oak 17 $120
Expert says: This light amber elixir starts out with an exotic floral aroma with hints of jasmine, tropical fruits and peat. The soft, rich flavor with hints of citrus, spice and wood smoke prelude to a lingering finish with hints of orange zest. Joe: This smells really smooth, but it's a bit strong for me. I like the 10 or 15 better. I mostly taste alcohol. Andrew: This seems like a step up, but then again, this is my fourth whiskey in a half hour. Joe is starting to look great. So is the bottle. Jeff: This isn't as strong as the 15, but it has a much richer flavor. I think I need a cigar. Mike: This has an endless finish. I want this in my water bottle when I do the Tour de France. This is my favorite by far. Amazing stuff.
The Macallan Cask Strength $50
Expert says: Aromas of rich dried fruit, chocolate orange and wood spices start off in the background, which give way to full wood spices followed by fruits. It all culminates in a resounding finish. Joe: Oh, man. This is some macho-man stuff. It's too much for me. I'm definitely not macho. Andrew: This is the triple truth. This is some powerful stuff. It's hard to catch much of the flavor because it's so intense. I feel like I could push over a tree. Jeff: This burns more than the pizza that disintegrated my taste buds. I can't taste anything but hurt. Mike: Ahh, my old abusive friend. There is no finish, there's only pain. This is the scotch equivalent of the Thunderdome.
