If you’ve been too busy pounding your favorite mass–produced beers to notice, Rogue Brewery has been around for nearly 20 years. Why should you care? Because to celebrate, their suds–master John Maier has created “Brew 10,000”—a blend of his favorite malts and hops, billed as the fruit of “18 Years, 10 Thousand Brews, 1 Brewer.” With all the work he’s put in, the least we could do is drink the stuff.
Stick-To-Your-Ribs Beers
When the leaves start changing, it's also time to start changing what you drink. Instead of the light, summery beers you've been sipping at baseball games, it's time to pour a glass of some stick-to-your-ribs beers that will help you make it through the long, hard winter ahead. And to help, we put together a list of some of the finest. But act fast, these are only available for a limited time.
Jack's Pumpkin Spice Ale
With hints of clove and pumpkin, this autumn ale should be at your next bonfire, hayride or Thanksgiving dinner. The nutmeg and cinnamon spices (with hints of caramel) are balanced out with the dryness of the ale. Pick this up now because it'll be gone before you can say "trick or treat." Pumpkin ales were first brewed by American colonists who were looking for an alternative to expensive English barley.
Michelob Specialty Sampler Collection
Instead of picking up just one beer, why not get five instead? Michelob's Specialty Sampler comes with Bavarian-Style Wheat, Porter, Amber Bock, Marzen and Pale Ale. Available from late September through mid-November, these beers range from fruity and light (Bavarian-Style Wheat) to rich, dark and full bodied (Porter). One or two of these cases is the easiest way to please everyone at your next holiday party. The Specialty Sampler Collection was originally launched in 1997 and won gold medals at the 2005 Great American Beer Fest.
Sam Smith's Winter Welcome Ale
Instead of hating Jack Frost's arrival, pat him on the back when he shows up and share a Winter Welcome Ale with him. This malty brew from one of Britain's finest and oldest breweries has a creamy head that rests on a thick, mildly-carbonated beer full of rich and complex flavors. Winter Welcome Ale is a tribute to "Wassail," a winter festival dating back to the Middle Ages.
Deschutes Jubelale
The painting on the label is of the Deschutes brewery on a cold Oregon night, but what's inside the bottle is a warm and cozy dark crystal malt that brings a spicy hardiness to any glass. Available for only a limited amount of time, a few of these cold ones can warm up any winter evening. Artist Katherine Taylor of Bend, Oregon (where Deschutes is based) painted the painting featured on this year's (2006) label.
Michelob Celebrate Chocolate
Available only for a limited time starting in mid-October, Michelob's Celebrate Chocolate comes in a futuristic cone-shaped bottle that vaguely reminds us of a garden gnome. But since we've never cracked open a gnome to find a rich beer with hints of roasted malt cocoa beans, we'll opt for the Celebrate every time. The Celebrate is also available in Vanilla Oak flavors!
Stone Double Bastard Ale
The guys at Stone brewery are known for one thing: making the biggest, baddest beers on the planet, and their limited edition Double Bastard Ale is no different. This deep amber ale has overtones of rye bread with a malt explosion that sits on top of a citrus perch. There are 165 12 oz. beers in a 15.5 gallon keg.
Brooklyn Monster Ale
This classic barley wine is available for a limited time starting in November. Aged for four months, the 10.8% abv ale with sweet rich malt and light, citrus flavors can be enjoyed immediately, or aged for a few years like a fine wine. We have no idea why, but we always have a hard time with the aging part. (Hint: It's because we don't have a problem with the "enjoying it immediately" part.) Monster Ale is one of the few beers that goes well with a nice cigar. So, smoke 'em if you got em!
Cory Jones. 'Tis the Seasonal Beer. . October 2006.
Red Beers
To comprehend how the best amber lagers taste, we poured them into our mouth hole from bottles and mugs. And then, toward the end of the night, we tried them from the gutter.
Anchor Steam $8*
The heaviest, heartiest brew in the bunch, this beer attacks the sides of the tongue with its carbonation and rolls on straight to the stomach. We like it best from the bottle because the fizz doesn’t lose its wallop—and it’s less work while we’re watching football. (Beer steins are heavy!) The aftertaste is bitter and wheaty, but not so strong that we’d stop drinking. We won’t do that until we know our cirrhosis is good and terminal.
Blue Ridge Amber Lager $13
From the first sniff to the last swallow, this is an exemplary red lager. What you get with your pour is more body and less of the soda-style suds of other beers. The sweet and bitter tastes (from the malts and hops) and the flavors of dark chocolate and sweet caramel cry out “microbrew.” This would go well with a steak: It has the richness and weight (and the balls) to stand up to beef. We stand up to no cow—or man!
Saranac Adirondack Amber $6
This brew strikes a good balance between bitter (think coffee) and sweet (think caramel). Its amber hue is the lightest among the red beers we tasted—“red” referring more to the caramelized aspect than to the actual color. It has a terrific aftertaste that lingers like a bellhop waiting for a tip. (Our tip: Pack your own nuts if you’re staying at a hotel. Those minibar prices are scandalous!)
Michelob Amber Bock $7
This is a dark, brownish-red brew with a strong odor that smells like Hershey’s Special Dark chocolate. Drink it from the bottle for the best balance between hops and malt. We like its frothiness and the way the bubbles do the tango&3151;or is it salsa?—on our tongue. What does it taste like? Imagine drinking Michelob Light with a mouthful of Milk Duds. Never had beer and Milk Duds? Take a six-pack to the movies.
Samuel Adams Boston Lager $8
It’s a well-balanced beer that infuses creaminess with mild bitterness. A sip is like licking whipped cream off a stripper’s stomach—lightly coated and deliciously creamy. It’s nowhere near as heavy as Guinness but has more body than any ale. No beer with more weight goes down this easily. Swish it around in your mouth to discover why beer is referred to as “suds.” Unless you refer to beer as “brew dog.”
George Killian’s Irish Red $6
The frothiest, creamiest beer of the bunch, this redhead coats your entire mouth with foam. Pour
it in a mug for the best possible head. The beer has a smooth texture, like running your tongue over silk panties. It’s a bit more aggressive straight out of the bottle, because the carbonation goes right to the sides of the tongue. Mug or bottle, it made us want some salty nuts—and someone to lick ’em. Here, Fido!
Porter Masters
With our beer-divining rod as a guide, we discovered the tastiest of porters.* Then the bartender ported us into a cab.
Samuel Smith the Famous Taddy Porter
The quintessential porter: pitch-black with great head. Its roasted flavor is smooth and easy, and it has faint tastes of molasses and figs. At five percent alcohol by volume, this will leave you upright longer. Pair it with bacon and eggs for a great hangover breakfast; pair it with five more porters for a great morning!
Fuller’s London Porter
Fuller’s boasts hints of charcoal, caramel and molasses that go nicely with raw oysters or can serve as a base in meat stews. With 5.4 percent alcohol and plenty of smoky flavors in the finish, this brew is as refined as an evening spent smoking a pipe—but without the absurdity of actually puffing on a pipe. (We smoke only from hookahs.)
Rogue Mocha Porter
This beer is fairly bitter with a strong aroma. Some charred flavors and a hint of chocolate (produced by the malts) make this a great match for, uh, dark chocolates. And at 5.3 percent alcohol, it makes for a great drinkable dessert—provided you didn’t also drink your appetizers and dinner. (It’s your own fault for getting your jaw broken.)
Sierra Nevada Porter
This is an exemplary American porter, with a balance of citric bitterness and sweetness, as well as 5.6 percent alcohol. Its dry, roasted finish complements grilled foods and smoked meats. Imagine drinking this beer at 8 A.M. with a bagel, cream cheese, salmon, tomato and onions. Yeah, it’s tough for us to, too—we never wake up before noon.
Redhook Blackhook Porter
A solid porter that weighs in at 5.23 percent alcohol, it has loads of mocha and burned-sugar flavors. It also has a somewhat bittersweet finish and is reminiscent of sweet iced coffee, black. First-time porter drinkers can quaff this alone or with vanilla ice cream for a porter float. (Ha! Newbies will try anything!)
*Seamus, Randy’s Helpful Irish Uncle, says: “When me t’roat is feelin’ unloved, lads, ’tis the porter I’m after. It’s a cousin to the stout, you see, but it’s bolder and more bitter, like me wife. That’s because it’s made with black malts and loads of hops. Why, I’m havin’ another pint just now! And turn on the telly! It’s Sligo vs. Clare in hurling!”
Bartrending School
David Broderick, owner of the famous Blind Tiger Ale House in NYC, gave us the cranky on these bogs.
Bass Ale
“When I’m over there [in England], I drink this. A lot of people swear by it, including me. I definitely prefer it in a bottle.”
Boddingtons
“I have a large English clientele that demands it. It has to be fresh. Boddingtons has a delicate flavor, so you don’t want it too cold.” Newcastle Brown Ale
“It’s subdued and restrained here but not over in the U.K. Beer isn’t meant to travel 3,000 miles in a
two-week period.”
Tetley’s Smoothflow
“I have a lot of English ex-pat customers who absolutely love this. If I had it on [tap] all the time, they’d come in all the time.”
Young’s Ramrod Famous Ale
“When we put it on [tap], it moves really fast. A lot of Brits and people who like English beer gravitate toward it.”
Ale Britannia
These are the best beers from England, as opposed to Britain as a whole. Why English beer? ’Cause English food isn’t fit for a rodent!
Bass Ale
With a light body and low alcohol content (4.4 percent), this is beer at its most basic and, therefore, most enjoyable: delicious, crisp and easy to toss back. A beer for pouring or drinking straight from the bottle, it combines bitter and sweet flavors, making it a distinctive English ale. A six-pack of Bass is a proper donation to any party. Except the Green Party. They’re too busy saving the
world to lighten up and have a drink.
Boddingtons
Think of it as an albino stout. A Draughtflow system (like the one invented by Guinness) makes the pour from a can as perfect as one from a tap, giving you a pale-gold pint with a creamy head that is thicker and smoother than that of most other ales. Beneath the texture, there’s a honey flavor balanced with a dry, toasty aftertaste. After a few of these, even soccer is interesting to watch. Especially when the streakers take the field!
Newcastle Brown Ale
The richest ale of the bunch, this offers milk-chocolate, coffee and hazelnut flavors. The aftertaste is reminiscent of espresso, but do not sip it from a dainty cup. It’s best out of a pint glass, accompanied by bar snacks (e.g., straws and cardboard coasters). Just remember that in
the U.K., chips are called crisps and women are called lassies—just like that famous dog so many of them take after!
Tetley’s Smoothflow
This dark-golden ale boasts draft-beer taste—in a can! A widget floating in it creates a perfect pint every time. Tetley’s doesn’t have the heavy, belch-inducing carbonation of U.S. drafts. It’s
a thick, dense beer with butterscotch and dried-apricot flavors. Seek it out; drinking it will give you street cred among the Brits. Need more cred? Tell them you were in on the assassination of Princess Di.
Young’s Ramrod Famous Ale
The least typically British-tasting of all the beers here, this ale has a light body and reserved flavors of chocolate and caramel, followed by a little stickiness on the lips. Don’t drink
it from the larger-than-life bottle, which will give your beer, oddly, a tin-can taste. A good pour creates a subdued head—and an empty bottle excellent for smashing into beautiful, chunky shards of glass.
Celtic Pride
Five great reasons to kiss the Irish.
Smithwick's Irish Ale
$8 for six-pack
To pass the time while resisting sin, the monks of St. Francis abbey started brewing Smithwick's in 1710, You can detect subtle hints of cola, caramel and lemon-lime soda in this balanced brew. There's also a hint of eternal damnation. They resent the hell out of everyone for having sex!
Murphy's Irisih Red
$8 for six-pack
Screw stereotyping the Irish as a bunch of drunks. We prefer to cast them as communists intent on overthrowing our way of life. Look, they make red beer! This fiery lass of a lager tastes like the Eire equivalent of Heineken and has a crispness that could cut thrrough a side of beef. Capitalist beef.
Beamish Irish Stout
$6 for four-pack
A pint of Beamish will warm you up faster than a barrel of antifreeze. The dark stout goes down as smooth as a melted Jell-O pudding pop, but a bit of carbonation and alcohol mean you won't have to lick it off a stick. Unless you're into that sort of thing. Who are we to judge?
Guinness Extra Stout
$8 dollars for six-pack
Unlike Guinness Draught, there's no nitrogen-spitting widget in the bottom of this bottle. You just tilt the Stout up to your mouth and savor the carbonated chocolate-covered-espresso-bean flavor. If you want to round out your Irish experience, throw rocks at Brits.
Wexford Irish Cream Ale
$8 for four-pack
This cream ale has a head as silky as Jessica Simpson's thighs, and you might even taste some essence of vanilla peach and apricot under the foamy goodness. To get the full soda-fountain flavor, add a baked spud. It's Ireland's answer to the strawberry—and starvation.
Celebrate Lager
Ce-e-e-elebrate drinking, c'mon!
Celebrate is the new holiday lager by Anheuser-Busch, the same people who brought you the Bud Bowl, clydesdales and every commercial you've ever seen in your life. Brewed especially for the holidays, Celebrate is a Dark Vanilla lager that's sweeter than your regular Bud. Laced with a caramel flavor, this will help wash down the buckets of holiday candy that seem to find their way into your house this time of year. And, for the best gift of all, it contains a very merry 10% alcohol, assuring that everyone will get into the holiday spirit.
Sam Adams Chocolate Bock
Once you go bock, you'll never go back.
Made with cocoa beans from Ghana, caramel and chocolate malts, Sam Adams Chocolate Bock ($14.99/750ml) finally takes beer out of the frat house and puts it in the cat house. OK, so maybe not the cat house, but this is a beer that can be enjoyed by women just as much as men. It has the sweet, sultry taste that the ladies love so much in their alcoholic beverages (see: The Fuzzy Navel, Sex On The Beach) and it also has the beer part, which men love so much (see: Men getting drunk, falling down). With Valentine's Day just around the corner, you'll be a hero if you pull out a few bottles of the Chocolate Bock at dinner on the 14th. And, if that doesn't work, it makes a great breakfast the morning of the 15th.
Lindemans Beer
Belgium is known for three things: drinking beer, drinking beer and drinking beer.
If you're still drinking Bud Light every time you feel like cracking open a beer, then you're still stuck in your frat stage—or you were born without taste buds. If you thought Canadians were laughing at your beer, just wait until you try what Belgium has to offer. Lindemans' Kriek, Framboise and Pêche are way different than the ales you're probably used to. Rich and dry at the same time, these beers are almost like wine when it comes to aromas of everything from raspberry (Framboise) to black cherry (Kriek). And they are all honored by the European Union's European Authentic Tastes campaign as the highest quality food product. Which is more than you can say for that Bud Light in your hand.
