Home : Film :No Excuse For Not Watching Movies
Frankly, we can’t imagine a heaven without movies, but just in case God’s tastes lean more toward extended lyre jams than Bond marathons, you’d better grab your remote. Given the endless availability of films via rentals, Netflix, on-demand, and downloads, there’s no excuse for not watching movies 22 hours a day. But maybe you need a bit of guidance to the ones you can’t miss, in the form of a fearless, definitive list that doesn’t bother with musicals or Gone With the Wind but isn’t afraid to mix critic-approved cool like The Third Man with cult trash like The Warriors. COMEDYMonty Python and the Holy Grail 1975 Before saying, “I fart in your general direction,” in a French accent became a cliché, the merry British anarchists’ Arthurian satire was genuinely clever (debates over a swallow’s air-speed velocity), subversive (an exasperated God), and silly (killer rabbits). After all, 100 million movie quoters can’t be wrong. Extra: Investors included Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin. The Big Lebowski 1998 Nihilists. Cowboy philosophers. Obsessive bowling. This box office gutterball turned dorm room essential (if you’ve spent a single day in college over the past decade, you know every word) is so stuffed with compulsively quotable dialogue that you almost forget it’s also a virtuoso display of the Coen brothers’ editing and cinematography. Line, please: “Hey, careful, there’s a beverage here!” Kingpin 1996 All respect to Dumb & Dumber and There’s Something About Mary aficionados, but this gross-out opus about a one-handed bowler and his Amish apprentice is the Farrelly brothers’ funniest. How can you top Bill Murray’s gut-busting improv—or comb-over? Line, please: “What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose, tiger.”
Will Ferrell–philes can debate if it’s the SNL alum’s funniest —or simply weirdest—star vehicle, but this spoof of ’70s newscasters founded the foolproof formula of throwaway lines (“Milk was a bad choice,” “I’m in a glass case of emotion.”) and surreally silly situations (a Frat Pack cameo-studded news team gang fight!) that made him a modern comedy institution. Line, please: “San Diego, of course, in German means ‘a whale’s vagina.’?” Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan 2006 You know a comedy scores when its absurdly popular character is retired rather than mess with perfection. This “doc” about an anti-Semitic, oddly lovable Kazakhstani journalist grossed $260 million, and twice as many gasps at its nude wrestling. Line, please: “I want to buy a car with a pussy magnet.” This Is Spinal Tap 1984 Before there was Guffman or The Office, Spinal Tap simultaneously ignited the mock-doc genre and set the bar unreachably high—to 11! Extra: Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer were so convincing as clueless metalheads, even-more-clueless fans believed they were the real thing. BUDDY MOVIES The Last Detail 1973 The lucky alchemy of Robert Towne’s profane script, Hal Ashby’s art-house direction, and Jack Nicholson’s wild-eyed rebelliousness forge an underappreciated counterculture classic about three Navy men behaving badly. Top Gun 1986 Tom Cruise cemented his superstar status in this slick, fist-pumping blockbuster about fighter pilots named Maverick, Goose, and Iceman competing for air supremacy. Oh, and the greased-up volleyball montage scored by Kenny Loggins’ “Playing With the Boys” just might be the most inadvertently gay scene in mainstream Hollywood history. Line, please: “I feel the need—the need for speed!” Superbad 2007 Just when you thought there must be a law that high school comedies have to be about rich girl cliques comes a gut-busting, foul-mouthed teen bromance for the ages, in which Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, and third-nerd-wheel Christopher Mintz-Plasse spend a very long, very crazy night trying to buy booze and get laid. Extra: Seth Rogan and best bud Evan Goldberg began writing Superbad at age 13. Deliverance 1972 Squeal, piggy! The backwoods love scene made this tale of yuppies on a very bad canoe trip infamous. Bow-wielding Burt Reynolds at his most macho makes it great. WAR The Bridge on the River Kwai 1957 Watch POW Alec Guinness, forced to build a bridge, descend from stoic to obsessed and you’ll never look at Obi-Wan the same way again. Dr. Strangelove 1964 The funniest movie ever about global thermonuclear war. Stanley Kubrick’s coal-black comedy featured Peter Sellers at his best, playing a nebbishy British functionary, the narrow-minded U.S. president, and a twisted genius ex-Nazi. The Deer Hunter 1978 We weren’t even in Nam, and we still have recurring night sweats about the POW Russian roulette scene—images so harrowing they almost overshadow the equally riveting rest of Michael Cimino’s examination of war’s impact on a group of steel-town buddies. The Godfather of Vietnam films. Rewind: Robert De Niro didn’t know that Christopher Walken was going to spit in his face. Hence his look of barely contained fury. WESTERNS The Good, the Bad and the Ugly 1966 In the third (and best) volume of Sergio Leone’s majestic, witty, genre-flouting spaghetti Western trilogy, Clint Eastwood’s cheroot-puffing Man With No Name elbowed aside all-American John Wayne as our classic Western archetype: wary, more than slightly cruel, and the last man you’d want to meet in gunfight. Extra: Ennio Morricone’s soundtrack spent a full year on the Billboard charts. The Searchers 1956 Director John Ford’s Monument Valley scenery would make any young man go West, though we’re not sure we’d ride along with John Wayne’s “hero,” a leather-tough cowboy who can’t decide whether to rescue his kidnapped niece from the Comanches—or kill her. Rewind: The final view of Wayne framed by a doorway against the open desert is one of filmdom’s most iconic shots. Jeremiah Johnson 1972 Watch for the breathtaking Utah wilderness. Watch for the arc of a mountain man finding companionship through his quest for isolation. Or watch for the shock of über-liberal Robert Redford butchering half the Crow tribe in revenge. Actually, watch for all the above. Extra: When the historical trapper on whom Johnson is based was reburied in Wyoming, Redford attended the funeral. COPS Bullitt 1968 From Dirty Harry Callahan to Lethal Weapon’s Martin Riggs, Steve McQueen’s badass Lt. Frank Bullitt paved the way for every maverick cop who refused to play by the rules. Extra: McQueen’s stunt driver for Bullitt’s legendary car chase also performed his motorcycle jump in The Great Escape. To Live and Die in L.A. 1985 The Secret Service agents of this very ’80s crime flick (Wang Chung’s synthy score just might re-perm your hair) break every rule of law enforcement to bust a sadistic counterfeiter, and the shocking fate of hero William Petersen breaks every rule of mainstream moviemaking. In a good way. Extra: Director William Friedkin reportedly filmed the insane car chase last—in case any actors got killed. Hard Boiled 1992 The term “bullet ballet” was coined for John Woo’s kung fu masterpiece that sets up Hong Kong cop Chow Yun Fat versus mobsters, then turns machine guns, shotguns, explosions, and blood spurts into objects of fetishized beauty. ACTION Rocky I–IV 1976–85 Yo, Rocky won a Best Picture Oscar. But we also treasure the series for its jogs on the beach with Apollo, Mr. T’s Mohawk, and for ultimate Cold War propaganda Rocky IV. Line, please: “No, I don’t hate Balboa. I pity the fool.” The Matrix 1999 Keanu Reeves’ movies about machine-manipulated reality aren’t supposed to be this good, but the groundbreaking FX (see: “bullet time”) were a revelation. Those sequels? Never happened. Rewind: The lobby shootout is possibly the three most action-packed minutes in film history. The Road Warrior 1981 The action-overdrive sequel to cult hit Mad Max launched Mel Gibson’s career, made assless chaps a fashion must for postapocalyptic barbarians, and coined the phrase “the Ayatollah of Rock’n’Rollah.” Now that’s a movie, dammit! REBELS Cool Hand Luke 1967 The coolest prison movie ever. Yes, Paul Newman’s chain gang anti-hero can eat 50 eggs. More important, he can also make us feel every bead of sweat dripped onto the gritty Southern roadside, the adrenaline rush of bloodhounds hot on his trail, and the existential weight of being a reluctant Christ figure to a bunch of cons. Line, please: “What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.” Taxi Driver 1976 Martin Scorsese’s searing portrait of a Big Apple gone rotten, and Robert De Niro’s portrayal of the unhinged cabby who feeds on it, makes for the quintessential ’70s film. Line, please: We love when Albert Brooks tells Cybill Shepherd… Ha ha, just kidding. “You talkin’ to me?” Line of the decade. Sid & Nancy 1986 This biopic about Sex Pistol Sid Vicious (Gary Oldman) isn’t totally accurate but does faithfully mirror the punk ethos of valuing pure ’tude over boring technical skill. Easy Rider 1969 Two bikers roar off on a road trip to Mardi Gras and learn about bigotry, random violence, and the death of the American dream. Well, that and lots of drugs. CRIMINALS No Country For Old Men 2007 In adapting Cormac McCarthy’s bleak novel, did the Coen brothers create a violent nouveau Western that uses the chase between Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin, and Tommy Lee Jones to ratchet up unbearable tension? Yes! Brilliant? You bet, friend-o. Extra: Josh Brolin’s audition tape was directed by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. The Godfather I & II 1972, 1974 You’ve watched them a dozen times. You know every line and have adopted some (“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”) as motivational tools. They are, simply, the apex of all Mob movies. That’s why you’ll watch them a dozen times more. Extra: Al Pacino and Robert De Niro, both nominated for The Godfather: Part II, never appeared together on-screen until 1995’s Heat. Bonnie and Clyde 1967 Graphic violence in the name of art wasn’t always as accepted as it is today. B&C’s unapologetic gore showed moviegoers just how cool a bloody movie can be, and paved the way for the antiestablishment flicks that soon dominated American cinema. Extra: Convinced the movie would tank, Warner Bros. gave producer/star Warren Beatty 40 percent of the gross instead of a small fee. Reservoir Dogs 1992 Because the bad guys were named Mr. White, Mr. Pink, and Mr. Blonde. And because every time we hear “Stuck in the Middle With You,” we fear for our ear. HORROR The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1974 None of the countless teens-versus-cannibals ripoffs can match the indie audacity and nerve-jangling trauma of Tobe Hooper’s original gorefest. It may be the only horror movie for which the audio alone would scare you stupid. Rewind: The infamous “meat hook” scene is edited so well, viewers rarely notice that they never actually see hook pierce flesh. Night of the Living Dead/Dawn of the Dead 1968/1978 George A. Romero combined politics and apocalypse to invent the zombie genre as we know it in his still-terrifying no-budget B&W classic, Night—then topped it with the splatter-tastic Dawn. SCI-FI/FANTASY The Empire Strikes Back 1980 It takes a lot to trump an immortal classic. But damn if this funnier, smarter, darker sequel, featuring an AT-AT battle, Han Solo in carbonite, and Yoda, doesn’t pull it off. 2001: A Space Odyssey 1968 Who needs drugs when you have the Blu-ray of this cosmic magnum opus? Stanley Kubrick combines a classical soundtrack with then-advanced FX to tackle no less a theme than the eons-spanning evolution of humankind. Extra: To nail HAL 9000’s creepily relaxed computer voice, actor Douglas Rain spoke his lines with his bare feet resting on a pillow. Starship Troopers 1997 In the future, soldiers will look like models. They will wage war against alien bugs. And a current of fascism will turn a B-movie into a dissertation-worthy classic. ART HOUSE A Clockwork Orange 1971 The swinging ’60s meet dystopian future in Stanley Kubrick’s daring provocation, in which proto-punk Malcolm McDowell somehow gets our sympathy when brainwashed by the big, bad government. Rewind: McDowell mimics Singin’ in the Rain while engaging in a bit of ultraviolence. Withnail and I 1987 Take two drug-addled on-the-dole actors from 1969 London, throw them into a dilapidated country house, take away any modern conveniences, add a touchy-feely gay uncle and—voilà!—you have a sardonic cult classic. Cheers! City of God 2002 Imagine the best gangster bits from The Wire, mix in doc-style cinematography, then set the whole thing in the slums of Rio, and you might have something approaching Fernando Meirelles gritty, intoxicating epic. Annie Hall 1977 Relationships suck—and yet everybody wants one. No film better explains that paradox than Woody Allen’s lone Best Director winner, whose title character (Diane Keaton) makes Allen equal parts miserable and happy(ish). Midnight Cowboy 1969 Never has a fish-out-of-water tale been so subversive as when Texas cowboy poser Jon Voight steps off the bus in Manhattan naively looking to become a gigolo and makes unlikely friends with scuzzy swindler Dustin Hoffman. MINDBENDERS The Rocky Horror Picture Show 1975 Obscene chants, trashy lingerie, perversion—and that’s just the audience! No wonder it’s been a midnight staple for decades. Akira 1988 This anime tour de force makes no sense unless viewed under heavy sedation, but the postapocalyptic Tokyo overrun with biker gangs and fascist police is gorgeous. CLASSICS The Adventures of Robin Hood 1938 Few characters are as iconic as Sherwood Forest’s noble outlaw, and few actors ever made a role his own like Errol Flynn. With swashbuckling, acrobatic escapes that still amaze today, it set the standard for action-adventure. Mr. Costner, why’d you even bother? Extra: James Cagney, best known for gangster films, was originally slated for the role. Lawrence of Arabia 1962 Thank heaven for 70-inch flat-screens. Now home-theater buffs can grasp at least some of the stunning grandeur of director David Lean’s epic about a flamboyant British officer’s exploits in Middle East during WWI, from quicksand closeups to brutal desert battles. Sure, Peter O’Toole’s legendary performance chews the scenery, but there’s plenty to spare. Line, please: “Nothing is written.” Kind Hearts and Coronets 1949 Don’t be thrown by the wussified title, this classic British comedy is as dark as they come. When an ambitious but poor social climber realizes that eight nobles (all played by Alec Guinness) stand in his way of gaining a cushy dukedom, he does the only sensible thing: murders them one by one. Extra: Originally offered only four parts, Guinness asked the producers, “Why not eight?” Wild Things 1998 This glorious sleazefest’s signature threesome is like the last Super Bowl—one side is in to win, the other side content to coast. Denise Richards bares all of her champagne-glistened body while Neve Campbell wears…a tank top. Even her inexplicable modesty can’t derail the high jinks. Extra: Campbell later shed the tank top for non-threesome sex scenes. Thanks for nothing, Neve. Fast Times at Ridgemont High 1982 If ever a movie were a time capsule and an ageless classic, this almost anthropological comedy about Cali high schoolers is it. The sound-track alone is a wonder, and really, Sean Penn deserved an Oscar for disappearing inside über-stoner Jeff Spicoli. Rewind: C’mon, you already know—Phoebe Cate’s immortal poolside topless scene is the reason frame-by-frame was invented. Carnal Knowledge 1971 Whether you identify with Jack Nicholson’s unrepentant cocksman or buddy Art Garfunkel’s befuddled romantic, this unsparing look at the sexual revolution will make any man squirm. Luckily, Ann-Margret and Candice Bergen at their peak help the medicine go down. Extra: The U.S. Supreme Court had to overturn the obscenity conviction of a Georgia theater owner who dared show the movie.
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